So remember when I wrote this post about getting Ryan evaluated at siskin but it wouldn't be until June of next year? Well, I wasnt satisfied waiting that long so I sought out the help of one of my friends who referred me another place where we could get him evaluated and the wait would not be very long at all. We started the process just a few days after Delaney was born back in October and finished up at the end of November. We recieved his diagnosis on December 15th. Our sweet little six year old has Aspergers Syndrome. I sort of had a feeling going through the whole process that he had it, but when the pscologist said it, a wave of relief came over me. I was relieved to finally put a name with what we have been going through since he was a baby.
I have questioned my parenting skills over and over, felt like a loser of a mom, felt frustrated, and cried many days from not knowing if or how to reach my child. I am relieved to know what I'm dealing with and how to approach it the best way. It doesn't mean life is going to be instantly better or easier, but hopefully at some point we will be able to get in a groove.
I've had people tell me that they don't think Ryan has Aspergers or maybe in an effort to make me feel better, they write off the things that I go through to typicial kid behavior. A lot of the things that Ryan does are typicial kid behavior and some are not. Just because your child does some of the things Ryan does, doesn't mean that Ryan doesn't have Aspergers or your child does. I remember writing this post when Ryan was almost 3. The extreme fits, the biting, the repetiton, the desire for routine, it's all there and so obvious now. Up until Ryan was almost 5 this was our life. We still deal with some of the same issues, but a lot of old ways have given way to new things.
I am looking forward to Ryan starting therapy, but I know that this will not "fix" him. This is something he, and I, will deal with for the rest of our lives. However, therapy will help him with his sensory processing issues, gross and fine motor delays, his social language delays and his social skills. I am grateful that these things are available to help him and help us better understand him.
I'm hopeful, but also a little scared and I wonder what the future holds for him, but God knew what he was doing when He gave Ryan to me. God has entrusted me with this special little boy because He knows I can handle it and I'm the best mom for him. This is just a new journey for us. For years a particular bible verse has come up over and over that I've found great comfort in, especially here lately in light of everything.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
I'm so thankful for this. God's promises are still true no matter what you're going through. With all thats been going on in my life the last 8 months, I've found myself depressed and burnt out, and not giving God the praise and glory that He deserves. My prayer is that I don't ever leave God behind me and go at my troubles alone again. I need Jesus in front of me telling me where to go and occasionally turning around to give me a hug. I need all that He encompasses: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace !! I certainly can't do all this by myself, I've been trying and failing miserably. I am so thankful that He is faithful to me even when I'm not. When you're suffering it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel much less praise God during it, but He is good, He is faithful, and He is true no matter our circumstances.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
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